That's What She Said
by CherryNinja
Summary: Jeice is sick of Burter's constant bragging. But he never expected the consequences his provocations could have. Burter/Jeice


As strange as it might sound, Burter/Jeice was the first DBZ pairing I read. But since I managed to find only one story with them I decided to write one myself which led to this short, smutty and hopefully funny story. Even strangely coloured, crazy aliens need some love. ^_^

Edit: Just watched Episode 19 of DBZ abridged and… well, that can I say? Here I thought I had one good idea for a joke and it has already been done. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to come up with something different. -_-

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. If I did we would get to see Space Australia in the show.

* * *

Jeice cursed as he was thrown against the wall of the Ginyu Force training room. "Dammit Burter, you messed up the timing. Again." And he was starting to get sick of it. Four times they had tried their new combined attack already and four times the other man had gotten it wrong, with the result of Jeice hitting some king of hard surface and in one instance even their Captain.

"It's not my fault that you were too slow to finish your kicks in time for my punch." Burter was standing halfway across the room, brushing some imaginary dust from his armour.

Jeice growled. He usually liked the bigger man, they were working well together and their combined attacks were some of the strongest of their team, but in times like this Jeice really would love to strangle him. Even if it was just out of curiosity what colour the blue man would turn when he was suffocating.

Growling Jeice got up, getting right in the face of the other man. "Oh yeah? I'll show you-"

"Quit it you two." Their commander had decided to intervene. "Burter, you have to adjust your speed to Jeice's if you want this attack to work. You know that he isn't as fast as you."

Burter started grinning and his chest puffed out. "Of course he isn't as fast as I am. After all I am the fastest in the universe." He gloated.

"Sure, that's what she said." Jeice scoffed.

"What?" Now that face was simply priceless.

Jeice grinned. "I'm only saying that you're probably fast in other aspects too. Aren't you, Burter?"

There was anger rising on the other man's face. "You wanna say that again?"

"You heard me the first time."

"You don't even believe that yourself."

"You bet I do."

"Then maybe I should give you a demonstration."

Jeice sneered. "You wish!"

By now the two were standing with their face mere inches apart, Burter leaning down so he was at eyelevel with Jeice. Both of them were panting slightly from shouting.

"Erm Guys? Maybe you two want to get a room to finish that conversation?" This time it was Recoom that dared to address the two riled up fighters.

Jeice turned his head to the side. "Yeah right, as if that would ever happen." With one last disdainful sniff he turned around and walked towards the door. "I'm out of here."

-x-

It was late in the night when Jeice woke up, brought to consciousness by a strange sensation on his ear. He tried to turn his head, but that didn't work, the sensation was still there. Then he tried to slap it away with his hand only to find that he… couldn't? He tried again but found that he indeed couldn't move his hands, they were both suspended above his head.

Getting slightly nervous Jeice opened his eyes. The room was almost dark, only one of the two moons illuminating it slightly, and at first he couldn't see anything. When his eyes slowly adjusted to the dark he could make out a huge shadow looming over him. White teeth were glowing in the dark and big red eyes were looking directly at him.

"What the hell do you think you are doing here Burter?" Jeice growled dangerously.

He heard a chuckle. "What do you think? I'm gonna prove to you that you were wrong this afternoon."

"Wha?!" Jeice blinked confused before it finally dawned on him. "You're gonna rape me because of some stupid argument?!" He nearly yelled.

Burter's voice was a low purr right next to his ear "Aw, rape is such a strong word since I know that you want it too." Soon the other man's teeth started nipping on the part of his throat that wasn't covered by the collar of his spandex suit.

"You idiot. Why would you think that?" Jeice started struggling, trying to free his arms, but when Burter sat down on his legs there was no way he could get free short of firing an energy blast and destroying half of his room. And how would he explain that to the captain? "Get off of me!"

"Come on Jeice, this was bound to happen sooner or later. The way we seem to be able to read each other's thoughts, especially when we fight together and yet we clash almost as much. You can't deny that there is a lot of unresolved sexual tension between us." The hand that didn't hold Jeice's arms sneaked down his body to the erection that was hidden under his black trunks. "And this here tells me that you want it too."

Jeice gasped as the hand grabbed his dick. That traitorous thing had been rising from the moment the teeth had started nipping his neck.

Burter was right, Jeice had been thinking about the other man in this way for quite a while now and there had been a lot of unresolved tension between them for a long time. But none of them had ever taken that final step. Now it seemed like his teasing this afternoon had finally made the other man snap.

"Oh shit." Jeice's back arched when the hand on his dick gripped him harder.

"Are you still gonna deny that you want this?"

There was a mocking undertone in the voice but Jeice didn't really care right then. "All right you win. So stop talking and just do something already." He tried bucking his hips to get more friction, but the hand suddenly withdrew. "Hey, what are you doing?"

There was a chuckle. "Patience Jeice. I've waited so long for this and I won't just rush through it."

The hand was back, slipping under his shirt and tracing his abs, going over them ridge for ridge until it arrived at his pecs where it started to tease his left nipple, rubbing over the little nub until Jeice was writhing on the sheets. "Quit teasing me you idiot."

"You are one to talk about teasing." The hand on his chest vanished, only to reappear on his left thigh, pointy nails scratching lightly down the muscle. "Do you know what you are doing to me, always running around in your tiny trunks, showing off those long smooth legs? I always have to hold myself back not to drag you to my room and fuck you senseless whenever I see you like that."

There were shudders running down Jeice's spine. Those light scratches all across his legs made goose bumps break out all over his body. He was starting to pant. "Dammit Burter, you either do something right now or I swear I will pulverize you with a crusher ball the next chance I get."

Burter chuckled. "You really are a pushy little thing, but I guess that is part of your charm."

Jeice growled. "Who are you calling little?"

"Sure you are. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to do this."

Suddenly Jeice felt Burter's free hand go behind his back while the hand that was pressing his arms down closed around his wrists and before he knew it he was pulled up, nearly letting out a yelp as Burter lay back, pulling Jeice to sit on top of him.

Jeice put his hands on Burter's big and as he now could feel bare chest to keep himself up as he was straddling the big man's waist. "What are you doing?"

Those big red eyes blinked innocently. "What? You were the one that constantly complained that I was moving too slow, now you can decide the tempo yourself."

Jeice shook his head. "Geez, you're impossible."

"Maybe. But you like me anyways."

His hands started running over Burter's wide chest, tracing those impressive muscles. "Are you sure? Maybe I only do this because I didn't get any for a long time?"

"Oh please, you're much too vain to just let anybody do this."

Burter's left hand moved to Jeice's trunks and one of the nails slipped under the waistband over his hip, tugging on the fabric.

Jeice frowned. "What are you doing?"

As an answer he felt the tugging increase and soon the sound of tearing fabric could be heard.

Burter was slicing the trunks with his nail!

Jeice grabbed the hand just in time before it could finish the cut. "Stop that you idiot. Those are my favourite trunks."

"Sure. Along with the other twenty identical ones you have in your closet." The sarcastic tone was evident in Burter's voice but he didn't try to free his hand.

When nothing happened for several moments Jeice sighed defeated and release the hand. "All right, but only this one time."

Immediately the side of the trunks was cut open and Jeice was kind of relieved when his erection sprang free, releasing some of the pressure. While the other side of the trunks was also cut, Burter's other hand started stroking along Jeice's dick, his erection being more or less swallowed up by that huge palm

"Hm, you're really excited already, aren't you?" It was a low purr.

Shuddering slightly at the contact Jeice rapidly pulled off his shirt before it fell prey to Burter's nail too. He then reached behind himself to grip the other's dick that was still covered by the black tights. "Idiot, as if you're faring any better. You're pitching quite the tent here."

"And if you remove the tarpaulin we can finally get to the best part."

Jeice would have rolled his eyes but Burter couldn't see it anyway. "Your jokes have been better already." Nonetheless he grabbed the other's pants and pulled. At first the spandex stretched, but eventually the fabric had to cave in to the strain and ripping could be heard in the otherwise silent room.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

Jeice had to push Burter back onto the mattress when the other man tried to sit up in protest. "That's what you get in retribution for cutting my trunks earlier."

"But… but we are in your room. You have dozens of trunks in your closet while I still have to get to my room." There was a slight panic in Burter's voice.

Jeice smirked. "Well, that's what I call tough luck." He threw the remnants of the trousers he had just ripped off to the floor and reach back with one hand, grabbing Burter's cock and lightly stroking it. Oh shit, he had expected Burter to be big judging by the bulge in his pants, but this was exceeding his expectations. It would be a damn tight fit.

When he noticed a strange slick substance on the shaft in his hands Jeice blinked. "What's that?"

"What?"

"That slippery stuff on you." As a demonstration he wiped his fingers on Burter's chest.

Burter grinned and his white teeth were gleaming in the darkness. "Natural lubrication."

Jeice returned the grinned. "Clever." That should make this whole thing a lot easier.

Suddenly he felt one of Burter's fingers run down his crack. "So, should I prepare you?"

"Are you kidding me? I won't let any of those nails of yours anywhere inside of me." But he would have to prepare himself well if he wanted to be able to walk tomorrow.

Jeice pushed three fingers inside of Burter's mouth. "Suck."

He felt the tongue lick all around his fingers, wetting them with sensual caresses. When he deemed them slick enough Jeice pulled them out, reached behind himself and batted Burter's hand away that had still been rubbing over his hole. He then pushed one finger in, soon adding a second and eventually a third one.

"What are you waiting for? Weren't you the one that was in a hurry?" It seemed like Burter was getting impatient.

Jeice added a fourth finger. "Be quiet. You know that I have to prepare myself well if I don't want to have to stay in bed tomorrow."

Burter chuckled. "Didn't I tell you that you were little?"

He huffed. "I'm not little, you are just an overgrown ogre." Deeming himself as ready as he could get Jeice withdrew his fingers and positioned himself above Burter's erection so that the head touched his hole. The he growled. "If you move before I tell you to you're dead."

Slowly but surely Jeice lowered himself. It really was a tight fit and the stretching was enormous but it was working, he was slowly taking Burter inside. And he really had to give the other man credit. Even though he knew that it had to be tempting for Burter to just thrust inside, his partner never moved a muscle, only his hands ran up and down Jeice's thighs, not pushing down, only trying to sooth.

When he had sunk down completely Jeice stopped, panting lightly. "God, you're big."

"The better to fuck you with."

Jeice could practically hear the grin in the other's voice and growled. "Oh be quiet."

When the pain had gone down to a dull throbbing Jeice carefully lifted himself up a bit and sank down again. He hadn't exaggerated, Burter really was damn big and he would probably feel it for a few days but right now he simply didn't care because this just felt fantastic.

He set a slow rhythm, going up almost all the way and then slowly sinking down again. He had never felt such friction against his inner walls before, it was definitely an experience. But it seemed like he wasn't fast enough for Burter's taste because when he started to sink down the next time the blue man suddenly bucked his hips up, shoving into Jeice in one hard thrust.

"Oh shit!" Jeice had to steady himself against the big man's chest to keep himself from getting bucked off.

They just stayed there for a few moments with none of them moving before Burter spoke again. "You all right?"

"Yeah, do that again." Because with his thrust Burter had hit that one spot inside Jeice that had made him see stars.

"Just like I said, pushy little thing."

"For the last time I- Aaah!" Jeice didn't get farther than that when Burter grabbed his hips to slightly lift the smaller man and slam up into him. Again Jeice had to steady himself against Burter's chest while the blue man continued to slam into him.

"Like that?"

With satisfaction Jeice noticed that Burter was starting to pant too. "Yeah. Faster! Harder!"

Burter's pace increased and with that massive girth inside him it didn't take long for Jeice to near his climax. He was so close, all it needed was some stimulation on his dick. There was only one problem: if he took one of his hands off of Burter's chest, the big man would probably buck him off.

"Burter, touch me."

"What's the magic word?"

He dug his fingers right into Burter's pecs. "Right. Fucking. Now!"

"Not really what I was aiming for but I'll let it slide for now."

Jeice then felt one of the big hands leave his hip and close around his dick, starting to stroke it. "Oh yeah, that's it. I'm so close…"

"Damn, you're tight." Jeice felt Burter's rhythm falter. The bigger man probably wasn't far behind him.

But right now he didn't really care because Burter just managed to hit that one spot inside him and with that big hand stroking his dick Jeice threw his head back and let out a guttural scream as his orgasm washed over him, digging his finger's even further into Burter's pecs.

He barely heard Burter screaming something along the lines of "Shit, Jeice!" before the big man stilled deep inside of him and Jeice felt liquid heat flood his insides, nearly overflowing.

Panting hard he collapsed and came to rest on Burter's big chest, moving up and down with the other's likewise fast breathing. When they had calmed down a bit Jeice felt big hands grab his waist and pull him up, off of the other's dick. Jeice winced as the big shaft left him, he would definitely be feeling it tomorrow. But for now he just wanted to go back to sleep, the warmth of Burter's chest underneath him, the soft breathing of the blue man and the big arms wrapping around his back dragging him back to sleep.

He was just about to drift off when… "So, did I last long enough for you?"

Jeice groaned. "Oh shut up and go to sleep."

-x-

The next morning found the two lovers sparring in the Ginyu training room again.

Burter had gotten up early that morning. With his pants in shreds he had to wrap some blankets around his waist and sneak back to his own room, trying not to come across anybody. At least not anybody that would dare to say anything about his state of undress. Jeice didn't feel one shred of guilt about it. That was what you got for sneaking into other people's rooms and molesting them in the middle of the night.

Just as he had expected Jeice felt a throbbing pain in his back, but right now the throbbing pain in his head from where he had hit the wall of the training room was much more prominent. They had just started trying their new team attack again and just like yesterday Burter just didn't manage to adapt to Jeice's speed and had fucked up the timing. Again.

Jeice rubbed the back of his head where he had hit the wall and walked back to his training partner. "Damn, Burter. Didn't I tell you to slow down?"

The grin that appeared on the blue man's face didn't bode well. "But darling, that's not what you said last night."

Jeice's next punch was too fast to avoid. Even for Burter.

* * *

That bickering was so much fun to write. XD I can really imagine them always going at it like that.


End file.
